Unbelievable, yet totally believable

Yesterday was my first day back to work and wow, what a mess. I am glad it was crazy because it went pretty fast. I did, however have one issue with my day which luckily I am not mad about any longer. Before I went on vacation, I had made plans with a friend to hang out in August. We were having a text convo yesterday and I jokingly asked if they were busy the day we had made plans. They said they weren't sure about that date. WTF. I was beyond pissed off. I am so tired of treating people better than they treat me. I mean really? You don't know?! I put in for leave! Asshat. Oh well. I guess they just proved they are no longer worth my time or effort. Considering what I have put up with over the span of our friendship, its been a long time coming. This was just the last straw. Ironically, I am actually ok with it this am. I was bummed a little yesterday after getting over being pissed. I am better off not having friends that don't consider my time important or just hope they might have a better option. Screw that.

Back from vacation...

I just had the most amazing trip back to California. It is so good to go home. Too good, in fact. I didn't want to come back. I believe if I didn't have pets, I would have stayed. Just a quick recap of the trip, in case anyone is interested. ;) Arrived in San Francisco and drove to Lake Tahoe. We met up with friends celebrating their 25th anniversary, went to dinner, hiked, toured and gambled. After they left, my DH and I continued hiking, shopping, toured ski resorts, took gondola and tram rides, went out on the lake on SUPs, went to a concert and scouted the area for potential relocation in the near future. After our Tahoe adventures we headed to the bay area to visit my family and continue checking out the local scene. We checked out a few areas we had never been, went to Mavericks, Santa Cruz and spent time in the city. It was an amazing trip. It seemed to go so fast and photos do not do it justice. OMG. It is so pretty in the Tahoe area. I cannot even describe the blue...its like blue on steroids. Mark Twain said it was the fairest picture the whole world affords. He also quipped,"To breathe the same air as the angels, you must go to Tahoe." John Muir also mentioned Lake Tahoe in many letters, calling it the "queen of lakes" and writing his friend Jeanne Carr that he had "sauntered through the piney woods, pausing countless times to absorb the blue glimpses of the lake, all so heavenly clean, so terrestrial yet so openly spiritual." He wrote further, "The soul of Indian summer is brooding this blue water, and it enters one's being as nothing else does. Tahoe is surely not one but many. As I curve around its heads and bays and look far out on its level sky fairly tinted and fading in pensive air, I am reminded of all the mountain lakes I ever knew, as if this were a kind of water heaven to which they all had come." I feel the same way. It is breathtaking. If you haven't gone, you should. It will change your definition of beautiful. The 12 X 22 mile body of water has 70 feet of visual clarity...you can see 70 feet down. It is also breathtaking, quite literally. If you fall off a SUP in the darkest parts of the lake, it will take your breath away. Take my word for it. ;) I am now on the job hunt in an aggressive manner. I found the area I want to live in and I am going to do everything in my power to get this plan in motion within the next year. Fingers crossed.

Not a case of the Mondays in sight

Heading back to the gym in a couple of hours. OMG I am dreading it. The guy I usually work out with isn't going to be there. Bummer. The other guy isn't as easy going about things. Work has been good lately now that I have decided to just do my thing and not be concerned about the stuff other people fail to do. That seems to be helping a bit. Of course I am going on vacation this week so that might have something to do with it lol. Its funny. Part of me wishes I had some time off while at home so I can catch up with cleaning and stuff but I know I would just do something else lol. Omg I am really looking forward to paddleboarding again. It should be amazing on the lake too. I am so excited! Anyway, just wanted to write something to keep it a habit. Have a great Monday!

Sunday fun day

Good morning! What an amazing weekend! I had a blast and I hope you did too. I am continuing to progress and I am back on FB and IG. I even started back on Snocru. This week should fly by. I'm really looking forward to my time off. I need to recharge my batteries and leave all the bs behind. For good. Ironically a friend has been away and I haven't heard a peep. I'm curious how they are. Hopefully good. I guess I don't rate an update. Lol Why would that surprise me. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It is what it is and never will be what it was. Glad I got my workout in already and now I have the entire day to myself. Happy Sunday!

on a roll this week

I am on a roll! I am trying to make this blog part of my normal routine. I am not sure how long that will go on, but so far so good. My workout yesterday was a bit rough. I am sore today and I think I could have slept for another few hours. Too bad I couldn't lol. I noticed I am not as red faced after my workout than I usually am. I guess I am getting used to being back at it. Unfortunately the trainers just keep adding to the workout. Next week all the reps go up. Ironically, I did notice a bit of a change in my abs and stomach which is awesome. I have a pic but this computer won't let me add it. I will have to remember to do that later. I am noticing a lot of differences with me in regard to being more positive. Once you stop holding on to the past and really look each situation, you see things much clearer. Don't get me wrong, I am sure I will have moments but things are looking great right now. The only thing that stinks is that I would like to talk to one of my friends about all of this and I am not able to at the moment. They are out of state so I will have to share all these updates with them later. Its funny how you want to tell someone right away when you have an epiphany. Speaking of being out of state, I cannot wait to be on vacation. I already wish I was. Maybe one of these years I will save up my leave so I can take a few weeks off at one time. I don't think I would know how to act lol. Anyway, thanks for dropping by and checking on my progress.

Tattoo trend question

Ok so my ADHD kicked in. I am curious. I have seen a ton of thigh tattoos lately. Is that the new body part of choice? I have been looking at getting another tattoo but I have to wait until I have a different job. I just don't get the thigh. Maybe it is just me. It seems crazy just floating there. I could understand if it was part of a larger project...am I alone in this? Its ok if I am, I just was curious if this is the new hot thing.

I woke up feeling energized and focused. I spoke to my friend about the negativity and that actually went better than expected. Ironically, I woke up realizing that entire friendship is going to be a lot easier to deal with from now on. I actually can't wait to talk to them and explain what I have figured out about the strain we have felt! I am going to hit the gym today after work, I am still working on my positive stuff and I am feeling great! I am on track and the future is looking bright. Enough about that stuff. I am going on vacation in less than two weeks. I am so excited. I hope I get on the plane lol. That seems to be an issue the last few times I have flown. Standby isn't the greatest way to travel but, beggars can't be choosers. Other than vacation and my positive journey, nothing is really new. I figured I would blog even if there was nothing to talk about, simply because it will become a habit and lower my stress. I am all for anything to reduce stress these days.

Weekend

I'm hoping everyone had a great 4th of July. Mine was simple which was pretty good. I was worried about what might happen which I realize is an unnecessary stress. If something happens I can't stop it if I'm at home. Unfortunately I was exposed to the affects of second hand negativity. I'm not sure that is a real thing but I felt it. It made me realize that we, as people do affect others. If those others care about you, your mood affects them even more. As you know I am on this journey to better myself and open myself up to all things positive. It's hard to be around negativity when you are trying to be positive. I'm taking a few days off of posting on IG and FB. I am excited to see how being away from negative comments and being ignored will be. I might also turn off my cell. I might be adding stress to one of my good friends' life. I can't be a negative for them so I'm going to split for a bit and give them the space they need. They are getting mad at everything and I can't be around that. I will check back with results! By the way, I haven't heard from George at all. Lol

TGIF!

Hello again! I am happy to say things are going well. I haven't had to use that rubber band much to silence that voice. I have actually acknowledged it and corrected it pretty quickly. I find myself correcting my bestie too. She beats up on herself and I just suggest that its temporary and not the end of the world. It is amazing how much better that feels than to feed into that negative stuff. I'm glad things are going well but I'm ready no matter what. On a different note, I am about to start my two weeks of really strict diet/exercise. I have been slacking and ironically I feel like that makes me sluggish too and easier to get me to fall into that negative downward spiral. We are going on vacation in two weeks so I want to feel my best when we go. I have been hitting the gym with the trainers at work regularly which is awesome. They aren't working today so I will have to workout when I get home. No issue there. I want results! I know with these changes, I will reach my goals in no time and will be setting new ones! Anyway, have a great holiday weekend!!!

July 1, 2015 - new month, new beginning, ADHD will no longer derail me

Hello again. Well, unfortunately I have learned that I am limiting myself in numerous aspects of my life. I have been reading up on how to follow through and what holds us back and if there is any correlation with ADHD. There is. Now I need a plan. I was reading another blog and the author was telling a story about being diagnosed with ADHD at 49 years old. He was in a group setting, eyes closed and told to think of a number of positives about himself pre diagnosis/medication. He was almost in tears. Everything he thought of had a but...attached to it. Wow. Welcome to my world. I'm glad someone else is here. Misery loves company, right? LOL Seriously, it sucks. The good news is it can be fixed and it doesn't have to be doom and gloom. I don't have to repeat mistakes and put myself in the "you always do this" category anymore. I am aware I have many good qualities but pre medication, I didn't believe I did. I thought I didn't get to my goals like good grades or fitness level because I was lazy or stupid. This is not the case. There is a lot of negative self talk happening and luckily I have a plan to stop this and the negative ADHD behaviors from taking over. The first step of my plan is to be aware of the negative self talk or the little person, lets call them George. My inner voice isn't a dude but George is just easier than picking a name of one of my friends lol. The second step, I am going to use a rubber band on my wrist to alert my attention to the situation when George is talking. This is the taking action step which will reduce and eliminate George. The third step is to insert positive talk. This will improve the derailing behaviors of ADHD. I will realize that if I do something I wish I hadn't, it is temporary, isolated and reversible. It is not the end of the world or the future. I will acknowledge the situation such as I screwed up but it doesn't mean that I am going to screw up everything. This will reduce the damage to self esteem. This will also enable me to get up, move forward and be energized. If something bad happens, I will put that fire out ASAP. If something good happens, I will enlarge that in order to be able to repeat that positive behavior. The main focus will be eliminating the negative and encouraging the positive. I know most of the time my getting overwhelmed due to stress has caused me to fall into the negative talk situation and I just continue to fall. I have started back in the gym which should keep the stress under control which will make this adjustment much easier and soon become my life and not something I need to remember to do. I will check back soon. I will. I'm sure my wrist will be killing me and maybe I will even take pics of it lol. If anyone else out there is going through this or has, I would love to hear how you got through it and any advice you can give me.