So much for Sunday lol

Well, I was a little busy on Sunday but here I am on Tuesday.  Work, again, sucks.  Luckily I just applied for TSA again in Richmond.  I hope I get it.  I have to get out of here...this place is CANCER.
Enough about work.  I had a great weekend and of course I need to post a pic of my tattoo! 

Josh at Salvation Tattoo in Richmond, VA hooked me up with my balance lol.

Not a whole lot else is going on.  I am working evenings so my workout schedule is screwed and so is my diet.  Its hard to bring food for everything when you are unsure if you are going to be near the office or stuck on post.  I am only working three days this week so it shouldn't be that bad.

Looking forward to Thursday, I will be going to Busch Gardens.  Cannot wait.

TGIF!!!

I am so glad it is Friday.  I mean seriously glad.  Work has sucked (as usual).  But...I won't get into that.
I received my MRI results the other day and I do not have Keninbock's disease.  I have a few things wrong with it - I have a negative ulnar variance (one bone in my arm is shorter than the other), I have torn cartilage, I have fluid, arthritis and two cysts.  Awesome, huh?  LOL.  My doctor said that if I were her sister, she would tell me to live with the pain.  I guess that is what I will do.  I mean it is my wrist...that is MAJOR surgery in my book.  Until it gets really bad, if ever, I will just deal with it.
I am happy to report that I have been eating clean!  I cannot wait until tomorrow which is my cheat day lol.  I am going out of state to visit my in-laws and I am bringing cupcakes!  It will be nice to see everyone!
Tonight after work I am going to RVA to get another tattoo.  Another?!?!  Yes.  I am going to get the word, balance, tattooed on my wrist.  At least I hope it is on my wrist.  My wrist might be too small, so we will see.  The backup plan is up my forearm.
Anyway, I better get back to doing what I do.  Have a great day and I should be on again this Sunday!

yikes

So the last time I was on here I mentioned the physical therapy appt and going to my doctor about my wrist.  Holy crap!  So the physical therapy is going to be great but difficult, but it seems like it will work which is excellent.  The wrist is another issue all together.  There are two possibilities there...some abnormality and a disease.  Awesome.  Either way it sucks and there is nothing to do about them.  So my doc said I needed an MRI after she took like 5 x-rays (ouch $$$).  She said it wasn't an emergency yet the MRI place called me that day to set it up so that made me nervous.  The MRI was yesterday.  I had to go alone which really was awful and I had to lay on my stomach with my arm forward which killed my shoulder after the 30 mins in the tube.  My follow up appt is tomorrow to find out what the MRI results are.  Fingers crossed for abnormality and not disease.  Keinbock's disease to be exact.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kienbock's_disease
Other than that, everything is ok.  I told the people at work that I am no longer doing their job.  I told them they have to pull their weight.  I also told my supervisor it was unfair that he allowed them to do nothing and me to do everything.  I just have to keep from doing things that aren't mine to do.  I just need to leave it, even if it goes undone. 
That should help with my stress level.  I'm starting back in the pool today too so hopefully that helps too!  My massage was great too and I think I will start going and getting those more often.  My massage therapist suggested yoga but I am not sure I am coordinated enough lol.
Anyway, have a great day!  I hope to be back on Thursday with my MRI results.  Positive thoughts please!!!

This is the end

Holy crap have I said this a bunch of times.  NO MAS!  I cannot believe I have been eating like shit for over a month.  I also cannot believe I am still fitting in my clothes (thankfully).  I have done major damage, though.  My stress is through the roof, I'm lazy and down and have been having headaches.  Today is it.
I am done.
I have to stop the madness.  The downward spiral has to end.  I still have that 10 lbs to go and they have got to go!  I'm done with excuses and everything else.  I only have myself to blame and I am done.  Time to get serious again and get back on the wagon. 
Tomorrow is Monday.  I have a massage scheduled and I have to see the doctor about my foot and go to physical therapy so it is a good day to start new.  I will get back on my clean eating and kick the bad habits.  I will work out everyday this week and cheat day will again be on Saturdays only.  No more moving it for any reason.  Only on Saturdays.  No three day cheat days etc...
When I succeed I will reward myself...there is a purse I want and I will not get it unless I maintain this new plan and reach this goal.  :)  I can do it.

Racing etc

Ok so I competed in my first SCCA Autocross event last weekend.  What a disaster.  First off, never have your other half try to teach you anything.  LOL.  That was a mess.  Once we got through a couple of rough laps it was actually really fun and I did ok.  I took like 3 seconds off of my lap and I didn't hit any cones all day.  It was raining too so that added to the excitement.  It was fun.  I have to remember next time to bring a few things...bug repellent, sunshade of some sort, sunscreen that isn't expired lol and a couch - just kidding on that last one.  It was a long day, though.  I can totally see how that racing can be addicting but expensive.  New tires, a helmet, etc...it adds up!
What else is going on...work is still stressing me.  My codependence is the issue.  I have to just do my job and not everyone elses.  Its terrible.  I just know if I don't do it, it won't get done.  I just need to let that happen.  Let the chips fall where they may. 
I have a massage scheduled for Monday and I cannot wait.  Like a tool, I volunteered to work tomorrow.  What the hell was I thinking?  Crazy.  I get double time...we are furloughed the next day so I guess it makes sense to get some extra money before it dries up.  I should bring my gym clothes in and go to the gym tomorrow too but I am sure I won't.  Lazy.  I know I will give my dog a bath while I am at work so that will be good.

Yikes - fell off the wagon. Me?! Yep! Me!

Well, I should have kept up with this blog.  I think it would have helped me a lot.  I am stressed beyond belief.  Not only can I not sleep, I haven't been able to go to the gym regularly and all I want to do it eat carbs and sit on my butt.  Not good. 
Don't get me wrong, its not all doom and gloom but I have been Debbie Downer more often than not lately.  Wow- so I have been off the wagon for almost a month.  AWFUL.  I guess on and off.  I have gone to the gym at least 5 times or my gym membership would be turned off.  I know I went last week and beat the crap out of the heavy bag.  Thank goodness for that!  It was that or I had to start fight club. 
Work is crap.  I wish I could quit.  Quit and walk out.  But then what?  How would I pay for stuff?  I would have to get a job and how do I say I left the one I have now?  I got mad and walked out after 15+ years?  That would go well.  LOL.  My awesome co-worker that left me is who I am blaming for my stress.  I am doing everyones' job now.  The reason?  I'm codependent.  If I didn't do it, nobody would.  I am sure of it.  The worst part is that nobody else is being held accountable for the work they aren't doing!
ADHD time...lets change subjects
To add to that, my toxic friend who was back in my life for a couple of weeks told me I am off putting and conceided.  Awesome.  Sad thing is I had to look those words up lol.  I am sure he doesn't realize it but by definition, he is actually correct.  I am both of those things to him.  LOL.  I am still offended though.
Let me try to focus on the positive.  One of the officers I recruited 100 years ago invited me and my other half to an awards ceremony in GA - he was receiving the Honor Graduate of the Year Award and of course if he thought we were important enough to remember after leaving this job 3 years ago, we were going.  Operation turn & burn started at 0200 and ended at 2300 - longest day ever but meant the world to him and his mom who attended.  It meant the world to me too.  It meant a lot that an officer thought of me like that.  He never even worked for me but was sweet enough to invite me to this amazing day when he was being recognized.  I was touched.  I think I lasted at work the next day for like two hours then almost crashed my vehicle on the way home lol.  I slept til 6pm once I got home.
I have to write about my racing experience too...later today....
until then...have  agreat day!